It just is. As Christians, we’ve come up with some really serious misconceptions about love. I’m afraid I’ve held some of those faulty beliefs, but I’ve recently been re-educated. Suffice it to say that I took that big risk, and I got burned. If I didn’t have Jesus, my wise friends, and a lot of Kleenex™, I’d be off to the asylum. Here’s my top three things I want you to think about:
When you’re united with the one “God has for you”, it will all work out fine.
This is a big lie. I’ll go as far to say that it was concocted in the pit of hell. It leads people to believe that folks can’t one day decide to venture off the path of righteousness, and go in another direction. The Christian life is a race, and some people don’t finish, just like with a literal race. Ever heard of…apostasy? Hmmm…
People who abandon loved ones are evil individuals.
Well, now this could be true, but I’m learning that perhaps it’s not true as often as we might think. People come with baggage. Some have a few bags. Some have a moving van full of emotional/psychological junk. Based on the amount of baggage, and the steps one has taken to reduce that baggage, it’s often predictable how a person will respond when life gets tough and weaknesses get exposed. The trouble with baggage is it can’t be hidden, for long.
Many people walk away, when they can’t handle stickin’ around. It’s not right. But it’s the truth. Some have been abandoned/abused themselves, so they come wired with the “I’ll get you, before you get me” response. It’s subconscious, yet it’s as natural as breathing, for those controlled by it.
People don’t always start off with a plan to do us wrong. Sometimes they sincerely wanna do right. Sometimes. Sometimes they do “love” us, as much as they are able, based on their level of dysfunction. I’m not making excuses for bad behavior, cuz Lord knows, I’m hurtin’ right now. But I have to be honest and admit that I am capable of doing the same thing. Why? Because there is “none good but God” (Mark 10:18), and I inherited the fallen nature, from my daddy, Adam (The book of Romans). When I think about my own “junk”, it causes me to remain humble, and put my shotgun down.
As women, we often try and “fix” troubled men, when only Jesus can fix them. Even then, they gotta submit to being fixed, which can be difficult when you’ve been broken for a long time. My ex came with YEARS of serious baggage, that was obviously never dealt with. I had a false sense of security, based on his age (55 years old).
Choosing to love someone, even the “right” one, is risky.
There are intelligent risks, and there are foolish risks. Choosing to enter into a romantic relationship with the jobless, homeless, crackhead down the street, because you see “potential” is foolish. No question.
But, what about the man/woman who does/says/is all the right things? Are you safe? No. Because that person may one day cease to do/say/be what they do/say/are today. Remember, folks can “leave” us emotionally, while still being present physically. People will leave us, because of death. Bottom line is there’s a chance, if you live long enough and take the risk to love somebody, you’ll get left.
Jesus promises to be with us, always (Matt 28:20). He’s the only one, who can make such a promise, because He can keep such a promise. When we believe that (for those of us who are followers of Christ), and internalize it to such a degree that we KNOW, without a shadow of doubt, that He will always be there, to pick us up and carry us to the safety that is only in Him, we are then free to take the risk and love another, without reservation. God never wants us to forget that there is NO one, like Him. Life will teach us that profound truth, in one way or another.
I’ll leave you with a quote, from C.S. Lewis:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies, and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
A Nappy Girl
