It was a week, this past Sunday. He just…vanished, without a goodbye. This is the kinda stuff you read about, or watch in a movie. You never think it’ll happen to you. No, he’s not dead. No, he’s not in jail. He just decided he couldn’t take the pressure of a relationship, and he jumped ship.
Now, I just wrote the post about how it’s risky to love another person. That’s my logical, spiritual side, coming to the surface. But my regular ole’ “Tracey” side is still having a hard time with this whole thing. It’s like folks will leave you holding the bag. You gotta deal with all the “Where is So-and-So?” type questions, while they get to hide behind…whatever. You have to try and manage the need to speculate about why they left, cuz they didn’t bother to actually tell you. There’s no closure. It’s torture. Did I drive him away, because I had expectations? Was I too nice? Did he really have somebody else, on the side? Did he mean ANY of that wonderful stuff he said? What signs did I miss? Am I really that horrible of a person? Gheez!
Then, it’s the crying. I’m a cryer. When I think about how I wasn’t looking for anyone, in the first place, and how I TOLD this man to leave me alone if he didn’t mean me any good, and how I prayed for signs that would let me know he wasn’t “The One”, BEFORE I got all in, it makes me very sad. I’m not crying as much, but the tears are still there. It takes a lot for me to open myself up to a man, anyway. Yes, I’ll take the risk, but I gotta REALLY think you’re worth it.
I think about him. I wonder if he’s okay. I wish I could just hear his voice. That’s all. I wonder if he realizes how devastated I am. I wonder if he cares. I’m thankful for Jesus, and the wise counsel of friends. I have one of the best friends anybody could have. She’s a Christian, intelligent, transparent and just…wise. She’s not one of those, “Girl, you should throw a brick thru his living room window!” type folk. She’s one of those people who will tell you, “Don’t let this incident keep you from opening yourself up again”. She said to me, “Pray earnestly for him, cuz he’s obviously very troubled. It’s not about you”. I knew that, but once she said it, it was like I knew the Lord was ministering to me, thru her.
We all need those type of friends. Thank you, Jesus!
A Nappy Girl
Ok, sistah, I was just roaming around here on the web lookin for a new naptural do (my fro is gettin on my nerves!) and I came across your site. I’m so excited to encounter a sister who’s both natural AND Christian! GLORY TO GOD! HALLELUAH!
Sadly, I can relate to your experience (“I still haven’t heard from him”). I was tied all up (in lust) just a little over 1 year ago w/a brotha who came out of nowhere and sorta blew my mind. Remember that song Debra Cox put out several yrs ago? “How did you get here, nobody’s ‘posed to be here. I tried that love thing for the last time” – Girl that was my anthem when this brotha popped up in my life. And I prayed that same prayer you probably prayed: “Father, if he is not the one, please show me/tell me/gimme a sign/make him stop calling/make his breath stank so bad I can’t even stand to talk to him/REMOVE HIM”, yada yada. But let me share w/you what I’ve since learned: sometimes God has to allow us to fall flat on our faces so that we can seek more of Him. You know he gives us our own free will, right? Well, in this rotten old dating game He has to do the same thing. He’ll allow us to get wrapped up in ones He has NOT ordained for us, so that when the one he HAS ordained for us comes along, we’ll better recongize him. I can think back on some of things that I overlooked about him – thinks I overlooked for the sake of giving a brotha the benefit of a doubt. You know, try’na work w/a brotha. But all the while, the things I was choosing to overlook were the answers to what I prayed. The Lord was revealing to me characteristics of the fella’ I was falling for that were not pleasing to Him; those things that displease the Father should displease His children, too. When it’s all said and done, sister, keep your hope in the Lord. He loves us more tenderly than any earthen vessel can. Take comfort in our majestic King, and continue to fall in love with Him first. He’ll heal your heart oh-so tenderly. He’s the mender of broken pieces and the lover our our souls. Just think about what He did for our souls! I know, TRUST ME, I know how it hurts to have loved hard; to have loved hard and with all your might only to be rejected, ignored, and turned against. I know that feeling that rises up from within to make you wonder, “what in the world did I ever do to him?”, “what went wrong?”….and believe me, I know, too, that hurt that comes from all the sweet, romantic, thoughtful things he whispered so smoothly in your ear that just evaporated when he stepped out of the picture. You’re sitting back scratching your head like, “did he mean ANY of that? How’d he know just the right things to say to win me over like that?”- hey wait a minute! What’s your guy’s name? We might be talking about the same dude here! LOL – naw, I’m just kidding. But for real, sis, keep it JESUS, turn your hurt, disappointment and grief over to the heavy-load-bearer, and give God glory that the relationship did turn out as badly as it could have. JESUS LOVES YOU, and He wants you whole! And I love you, too, because you’re my sister in Christ Jesus.
Whew! I didn’t mean to absorb so much of your space on here. I pray for you that the Holy Spirit continues to manifest Himself in your life as your COMFORTER, and that you do take comfort in Him. I look forward to checking in w/you here as you chronicle your adventures of this lovely NAPPY-HEADED life we’ve been given!
Shalom to you!
Yvette
Like or Dislike:
3 
0
Yvette,
Thanks for your post! God is good, and He’s a shelter, in the time of storm.
God bless!
Like or Dislike:
1 
0