Kinda makes it sound like being single is like a 10-year prison sentence, don’t it? Well, that’s not what I mean.
As single, Christian women most of us have been exposed to a lot of….interesting teaching, regarding the single life. Especially, if you’re over thirty. We’ve read every book by Michelle McKinney Hammond. We’ve gone to all the single’s conferences/workshops/seminars, hosted both locally and nationally. Some of us have been bumped and bruised, on our way to contentment. Many of us struggle with the whole “waiting on The Lord” thing, because we had NO idea the wait would be as long as it has been.
When I speak of “survival”, I’m talking about surviving exposure to the church’s mentality, regarding its unmarried members. The single state is not a prison sentence. It is, however, a journey that may not end up where you expected, when you expected it. So, you may need to make some mental adjustments.
The Survival Tips (What worked/works for me)
- Learn to appreciate where you are. I used to get mad, when married folks would tell me that, when I was in my late twenties. Now, in my early forties, I know what they meant. Singleness has it challenges. Married life does too. Also, God has a very different agenda for marriage (as well as our life, in general), than we do. Marriage is a ministry, and you may be called to minister in some ways that will stretch you further than you’ve ever been stretched.
- Focus on becoming a woman, after God’s own heart. Too many of us focus on trying to win a man’s attention/affection. Nothing wrong with knowing the “secrets” to winning a man’s heart. But knowing that we have God’s attention/affection helps buffer the disappointment, when men don’t appreciate our value. Men are “fallen” creatures, just like us. We expect too much from them. Plus, you don’t see them running to the bookstore/workshop/seminar, trying to learn how to become more appealing to us, do you?
- Watch your diet. I got a TON of books for singles. I can honestly say maybe….three were really worth reading. I’ve been to a lot of singles’ conferences/workshops/seminars. The bottom line? Some of the teaching targeted to singles is great. Some is downright poisonous, and will kill your spirit. Learn to discern, so you can take the good stuff, and toss the bad. Just cause “Prophetess….” said it, don’t make it law.
- Accept your desire to marry, if you have the desire. It doesn’t make you desperate, or “not content”. It’s nothing wrong with wanting companionship, sex and emotional intimacy. We’re social/sexual beings. The “I only need Jesus!” stance is annoying, and so unrealistic.
- Live a full life. Don’t put your life on hold, waiting on a man that may not come, and if he does, he may come later, rather than sooner. God wants us to live life, with passion and a purpose. Along the way, He has many wonderful surprises for us. But we gotta get moving, keep moving and appreciate the freedom to move, that comes with being unmarried.
Peace, love and….soul!
A Nappy Girl
This is such a awesome on time article, I have been divorced for 5 years and vowed to be celibate until God sends me my spouse, Its been so hard to do but this article has given me new hope, and also a new focus for my life, focus on God and all things will work out ,Focus on me and I will find everthing wrong in my life. And your right marriage is a ministry and that means you not only have to be ready for ministry but you have to be ready for marriage.IN Gods Time….
Thanks, girl!
I’m glad it was a blessing to you!