Comments on: The Heart of The Matter http://nappilyevahaftah.net/2009/11/29/heart-of-the-matter/ My Life/My Hair/My Goodness! Thu, 20 May 2010 03:30:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: A Nappy Girl http://nappilyevahaftah.net/2009/11/29/heart-of-the-matter/comment-page-1/#comment-7711 A Nappy Girl Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:13:26 +0000 http://nappilyevahaftah.net/?p=1014#comment-7711 @Neu Thanks so much for coming by and leaving your heartfelt feelings about the matter. I feel you, and I understand your perspective. But...let me reiterate what I really wanted to get across to ALL women: First off, I hate that you have to feel less beautiful, because some people in your life (who should have been your "champions") chose to tear you down, for the sake of "honesty", and "bluntness". I'd like to see some pics of those guys... Secondly, I never meant to communicate that outward beauty doesn't matter. It does, but that doesn't mean the focus is not unbalanced, unrealistic and a tad obsessive. It is. Ever seen some of the "beautiful" Hollywood women, without makeup? They look way less intimidating, and much more like the rest of us. If most of us had the money to afford to go under the knife, have access to the best dentists, personal trainers, makeup artists and clothing designers, we'd be "beautiful" too. Most of us have to work with what we have, and learn to accentuate the positive. That's all. If beauty was the "ticket" to happiness, then why do we have so many "outwardly" beautiful women, who struggle with happiness and peace? Why do many have nasty attitudes, and broken insides? Because it (beauty) doesn't deliver the goods. It doesn't nourish the soul. It's great for temporary "highs", but it doesn't sustain. Life is much more complicated. Men (as a whole) can be terribly fickle. A man can have the most "beautiful" woman at his side, and yet he won't be satisfied. He will always look for something "better", or a way to indulge in excess. Ego is a big word, with just three letters. The most unattractive male often feels he has a "right" to rate the attractiveness of any female...blows my mind EVERYTIME. Where does that come from? We let them manipulate us, and we allow their opinions of our <i>looks</i> to determine our value as HUMAN BEINGS. So, if we don't look good to them, that means we are no good...in our totality. That's ridiculous and I'm not havin' it. I suggest you see the ridiculousness in it, and refuse to digest it as well. Everything can't be about them, because they don't deserve that kind of power. No human being does, male or female. @Neu
Thanks so much for coming by and leaving your heartfelt feelings about the matter. I feel you, and I understand your perspective. But…let me reiterate what I really wanted to get across to ALL women:

First off, I hate that you have to feel less beautiful, because some people in your life (who should have been your “champions”) chose to tear you down, for the sake of “honesty”, and “bluntness”. I’d like to see some pics of those guys…

Secondly,
I never meant to communicate that outward beauty doesn’t matter. It does, but that doesn’t mean the focus is not unbalanced, unrealistic and a tad obsessive. It is. Ever seen some of the “beautiful” Hollywood women, without makeup? They look way less intimidating, and much more like the rest of us. If most of us had the money to afford to go under the knife, have access to the best dentists, personal trainers, makeup artists and clothing designers, we’d be “beautiful” too. Most of us have to work with what we have, and learn to accentuate the positive. That’s all.

If beauty was the “ticket” to happiness, then why do we have so many “outwardly” beautiful women, who struggle with happiness and peace? Why do many have nasty attitudes, and broken insides? Because it (beauty) doesn’t deliver the goods. It doesn’t nourish the soul. It’s great for temporary “highs”, but it doesn’t sustain. Life is much more complicated.

Men (as a whole) can be terribly fickle. A man can have the most “beautiful” woman at his side, and yet he won’t be satisfied. He will always look for something “better”, or a way to indulge in excess. Ego is a big word, with just three letters.

The most unattractive male often feels he has a “right” to rate the attractiveness of any female…blows my mind EVERYTIME. Where does that come from? We let them manipulate us, and we allow their opinions of our looks to determine our value as HUMAN BEINGS. So, if we don’t look good to them, that means we are no good…in our totality. That’s ridiculous and I’m not havin’ it. I suggest you see the ridiculousness in it, and refuse to digest it as well. Everything can’t be about them, because they don’t deserve that kind of power. No human being does, male or female.

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]]> By: 'neu http://nappilyevahaftah.net/2009/11/29/heart-of-the-matter/comment-page-1/#comment-7710 'neu Thu, 10 Dec 2009 00:26:19 +0000 http://nappilyevahaftah.net/?p=1014#comment-7710 I have to say that I'm one of those girls who's only been told she's pretty by her aunt and mother. Almost every man in my life, from my dad to my fellow high schoolers to strangers in the street have expressed that I am ugly and not attractive (this is in an African country where people are blunt). Moving to the U.S. didn't help jack - the conventional beauties at my college ministry are married, and I'm still like "Hey, what about me?" I always say this about inner beauty - yes, it's important, but looks really are paramount, unconventional or not. I don't focus on my looks much (to change anything would require plastic surgery, and the only body part I love is my hair), but I wonder how life would've been if I were prettier. It's easy for people to say "Looks don't matter!" if they've got some attraction from the opposite (or same) sex in their lives, but when there is barely one guy on earth who finds you attractive or only says "You're gorgeous" to patronize you, it's pretty much a defunct statement. I have to say that I’m one of those girls who’s only been told she’s pretty by her aunt and mother. Almost every man in my life, from my dad to my fellow high schoolers to strangers in the street have expressed that I am ugly and not attractive (this is in an African country where people are blunt). Moving to the U.S. didn’t help jack – the conventional beauties at my college ministry are married, and I’m still like “Hey, what about me?”

I always say this about inner beauty – yes, it’s important, but looks really are paramount, unconventional or not. I don’t focus on my looks much (to change anything would require plastic surgery, and the only body part I love is my hair), but I wonder how life would’ve been if I were prettier. It’s easy for people to say “Looks don’t matter!” if they’ve got some attraction from the opposite (or same) sex in their lives, but when there is barely one guy on earth who finds you attractive or only says “You’re gorgeous” to patronize you, it’s pretty much a defunct statement.

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]]> By: ginaburgess http://nappilyevahaftah.net/2009/11/29/heart-of-the-matter/comment-page-1/#comment-7709 ginaburgess Tue, 08 Dec 2009 05:16:09 +0000 http://nappilyevahaftah.net/?p=1014#comment-7709 Absolutely. The trick is recognizing the dysfunction. How much of our "programming" as we grew up fed into the balderdash that we must be pretty to be accepted? Princesses, Miss America, Barbie, all fed the Beauty Queen syndrome. Why isn't there such a thing as a Cabbage Patch Teen? Only babies are cute with fat cheeks... except for the health aspect, of course. Come to think of it, dimples are cute in fat cheeks... .-= ginaburgess´s last blog ..<a href="http://refreshmentrefuge.blogspot.com/2009/12/ruach.html" rel="nofollow">Rûach</a> =-. Absolutely. The trick is recognizing the dysfunction. How much of our “programming” as we grew up fed into the balderdash that we must be pretty to be accepted? Princesses, Miss America, Barbie, all fed the Beauty Queen syndrome. Why isn’t there such a thing as a Cabbage Patch Teen? Only babies are cute with fat cheeks… except for the health aspect, of course. Come to think of it, dimples are cute in fat cheeks…
.-= ginaburgess´s last blog ..Rûach =-.

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]]> By: CPrescott422 http://nappilyevahaftah.net/2009/11/29/heart-of-the-matter/comment-page-1/#comment-7708 CPrescott422 Tue, 01 Dec 2009 17:46:48 +0000 http://nappilyevahaftah.net/?p=1014#comment-7708 I'm visiting your blog for the first time. I'm a guy and this post is very interesting! Very timely and well said. I’m visiting your blog for the first time. I’m a guy and this post is very interesting! Very timely and well said.

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]]> By: A Nappy Girl http://nappilyevahaftah.net/2009/11/29/heart-of-the-matter/comment-page-1/#comment-7707 A Nappy Girl Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:34:14 +0000 http://nappilyevahaftah.net/?p=1014#comment-7707 On point, Meredith...you are absolutely right! Some of the most BEAUTIFUL women get picked apart daily online, by all these female "fashion/beauty" critics, who can find fault in the best of us. So, where does that leave us? You can never "win". Sheesh! I do confess I get SO annoyed with the fixation on looks. Yes, I understand that we all like to be admired by the opposite sex. I really do. But goodness, is there some balance? On point, Meredith…you are absolutely right!
Some of the most BEAUTIFUL women get picked apart daily online, by all these female “fashion/beauty” critics, who can find fault in the best of us.

So, where does that leave us? You can never “win”.

Sheesh! I do confess I get SO annoyed with the fixation on looks. Yes, I understand that we all like to be admired by the opposite sex. I really do. But goodness, is there some balance?

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