Check this out: Got Dumped? Get Paid!

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I’m sorry. This is just…wrong. I’m in the wedding business, so I’ve seen more than a few weddings get cancelled, and I’ve had to hold the hands of some grief-stricken brides. I’m a woman, so I can sympathize with the sista.  But…gettin’ paid for gettin’ dumped? This is a can of worms. Can you see it?

I have a cousin, who married a woman who resided in a different state, during their courtship. Obviously, it was a long distance courtship, and this woman has a daughter from a previous relationship (not marriage). She gave notice to her job, shortly after becoming ENGAGED, and went through a very lengthy process of setting up a life, in her fiance’s neck of the woods. She’s a better one than me, cuz I would have never started uprooting my life, on the…promise of marriage. No way. I would have taken some vacation time, and if everything panned out, I would have given my employer notice. If not, I would have showed up  at work, bright and early, that Monday after the wedding was supposed to take place. I’ve seen too much. Can’t go out like that.

On the real — relationships are risky. How much risk one takes is a personal decision. Folks need to be a lot more cautious and stay awake, during the whole courtship process. Women (yes, I said “women”) get real caught up in the wedding plans, and don’t pay much attention to the relationship and what’s going on. Yes, there’s the rare brides-to-be, who get no clues that something’s not quite right, but a whole lot choose to see right past the obvious. Which bride-to-be was she? I wonder.

Was dude a jerk? Oh, most definitely. But there’s more than one side to the mess. A woman, in this day and time with things the way they are, who would give up her good-paying job and uproot her life, on a dude’s promise to marry her is just…crazy — and bird’s of a feather do really flock together. Plus, after the media exposure, don’t be surprised if the eligible single guys avoid her, like the plague.

This is officially ”Bride and Wedding Month“, so you’ll read some rants (and raves) about brides, their families/friends and…all manner of wedding stuff. Hey, it’s June

One of the most common complaints about wedding dress samples is that their way too small, for the average bride to try on. I’m with that, and I know it’s evil, but that’s the way it is. I used to be heavy, so I understand. Really. But, there’s not much that’ll be done about it. My salon orders a few samples in size 16, which is about a street size 12. That’s just couture bridal sizing.

We get a lot of complaints, from the “size 2″ crowd, “How can Hailey tell how the dress will look? She’s SWIMMING in it. It’s so BIG!  “  Are you kiddin’ me? Folks actually expect salons to stock samples in small enough sizes, so only the upper 5 percent of the population can try them on? If the average size in the US is a size 14, then we need to go UP in size, not…down. Come on, people! Most salons have clips and you have to be able to visualize. It’s not that hard. God forbid if you gain a little weight, and end up being a GINORMOUS size 6, which means you’ll be able to fit most couture samples. What do you want?

I spent 20 minutes on the phone with a bride, who was highly upset that she couldn’t find a salon with Vera Wang size 4 samples (which is a size 0, in real life), for her bridesmaids to try on. I wanted to say to her, “Do you realize how many women can’t even get their LEG in a size 2 sample?” Are folks that out of touch?

A Nappy Girl

Bridezilla
Yay! It’s that time of the year! The marrying time. Brides are stressed out, and often misfocused (yes, I made up the word). The economy is shot, but folks still wanna have the “dream” wedding, even if it means nightmares for all those involved. Don’t go there.

• Most people are more than willing to do more than necessary, when you’re civil, considerate and respectful. Act like a demon-possessed banshee if you wanna, and some folks will smile at you, while your head is spinning and green stuff is coming from your mouth — and you STILL won’t get what you want. What a waste of energy. Unless you’re a gazillionaire, NO AMOUNT OF MONEY will be worth the stress of working with you. Expect good customer service.  Be firm, when you need to be. But remember, nice brides (and nice people in general) get more goodies.




• Don’t waste folk’s time. Time is money. I know you think trying on dresses (with eight of your best friends) is the most fun thing in the world, but if you’re not ready to buy a dress (or even engaged, or don’t have a boyfriend, let alone a fiance…), don’t waste my time. I make money when I sell. Spending two hours with you, only to discover that your aunt is making your dress, or you can’t afford the dresses I sell, takes me away from the brides who are ready to buy. There’s no other way to say it.  If you’re in commission sales, you understand what I’m talking about. I love you, but I have to eat…and live…and pay bills. Be respectful of everyone’s time. If you can’t keep an appointment, call and cancel.




• Folks love to lament about how customer service is almost non-existent. But there’s another side to it, and with brides, it’s a side seen way too often. I had a bride, who asked me to have a dress sent directly from a designer, for her to try on. I went thru a lot to get the dress, and I explained to her that it was going to be difficult to get the dress, because it was a new design and wasn’t in stores yet. I wanted to make SURE she wanted to see the gown. After I pulled many strings to get the gown in, she didn’t return my calls — neither did her mom. Now, a simple, “Thanks, but I’m no longer interested” would have been the considerate thing to do. It’s like folks just don’t…care. But if a vendor falls short, in any way, it’s like all hell breaks loose. Treat folks with the same respect you desire.




• Don’t walk in a bridal salon, and talk negatively about the dresses. ”These gowns are UGLY and overpriced!” isn’t something that you (or your mean-muggin’ friends) need to be declaring within earshot of me and my fellow consultants.  If you don’t like what you see, then leave. Quietly.




• When you go on The Knot, to badmouth a vendor, be careful and make sure you give all the details — not just your side of the story, which is often not 100% truthful. A lot of us (in the wedding business) know each other, and we know who YOU are (because we recognize your picture, screename, the situation you wrote about online, or whatever).  Sometimes, it’s best to sit down with a cup of tea…and relax.
  

  On the flipside, don’t read every complaint by disgruntled brides as if it’s the total truth. Too often, it’s very one-sided.  The ”it’s all about me!” brides leave out key details, so they will look like mistreated victims, and the vendors like the devil. Do some research, and talk to some folks, before you write off a prospective vendor. Some “knotties” are “knutties”.

A wedding SHOULD be about two people, celebrating a decision to spend their lives together.  The wedding is not the most important thing in the world — sorry if folks don’t wanna here that, but some couples aren’t making it to the final destination (the altar), because the wedding is way too important. I’m not a psychologist (by profession), but I often wonder about women, who are SO emotionally invested in a…wedding. How a woman behaves, during the planning of her wedding, says a lot about her character and level of mental  health. A woman doesn’t just turn into a “bridezilla”. The tendencies were there, all along. Nice people make nice brides.

A Nappy Girl

That’s me. Hallmark needs to come out with a new eCard: Screaming Banshee Without High-Speed Internet.

Not familiar with the screamin’ wonder? Well check her out. First, turn down the volume on your computer. The different scenarios would go somethin’ like this:

• Screaming NEA Banshee tries to download a 30mb file. “AHHHHH!!!!!!!”
• Screaming NEA Banshee tries to load her website. “GAHHHHHHH!!!!”
• Screaming NEA Banshee tries to view the Iron Man trailer. “UGHHHHHH!!!!”

  
Why do they call it “dial-UP”? There’s nothing “up” about it. It’s all…down. The speed. Your mood. The only thing that’s “up” is your blood pressure.

NEA

This is a rant, so…

I think some women are the closest to insanity when they’re in love, and when they’re planning a wedding. Brides-to-be can be SO selfish, and self-absorbed. They think EVERYTHING revolves around them. It takes a special person to deal with brides, on a regular basis. Cuz they will drive you to drink, if you’re not careful and prayerful. I know.

First off, it’s the dress thing. Finding a wedding dress should not be that serious. You don’t need six of your friends to help you make a decision, either. Matter of fact, leave your friends at home. Really. Cuz most women (especially) are not able to push their personal tastes aside, and help you pick your wedding dress. I get so tired of these girls (yes, I said “girls”, cuz WOMEN don’t need the approval of all their friends, on every decision they have to make), putting on a dress, and asking their friends, “Do you like it?” Whuh? What difference does it make if they like it? I don’t get that. Are they buying it? Are they giving you some money on it? No? Well, why do you need their approval?

Then, there’s the bridesmaid dresses. I had this one bride, who chose very slinky, clingy, Vera Wang slip dresses, for a bridal party of three. Well, the only problem was, one of the bridesmaids was heavy, with an EXTREMELY straight figure: 46 inch hips, waist and bust (give or take a few micro inches). When I tried to offer my professional opinion (I am a professional), she got mad and accused me of being “opinionated”. I used to be heavy, and I know plus-size women wanna look good, too. I also know that when you’re in your early forties, you usually have had it, with standing up in weddings anyway. So, you have no interest in looking like a hot mess, just to be in somebody’s wedding. Insane. Completely.

Then, there’s “Mama”. Momzilla. Mama wants to live vicariously thru her daughter. She didn’t have a real wedding, so now she’s getting her chance to have one. Plus, since she’s footin’ the bill, she has the final say. That’s why it’s best to fund your own gigs. That way, you’re not at the mercy of someone else’s ideas. Plus, you appreciate what you have to work to pay for. Too many of these young ladies have a sense of entitlement that’s scary. Nuff said on that.

Then, there’s the wedding party. There’s always some lady, who just won’t act right, to save her life. She doesn’t like the bridesmaid dress. She hates the color. She thinks the chosen venue for the shower is too expensive. She’s mad because she should be getting married first — Afterall, she’s prettier, smarter and thinner than the bride-to-be. I had a wedding party member (of one of my brides) tell me that. After she said it, I just stood there, shaking my head in disbelief. The girl thought I was shaking my head, because I, like her, was amazed that my bride would be walking down the aisle, instead of her. Can we all say “clueless”?

The End.

A Nappy Girl