I Corinthians 7:9
This one is gonna get me in trouble! But hey, I can handle it.  It’s all about maturing in Christ, right? It might get tight, but it’s right.

I have a lot of conversations with married Christians. Tons. Most are amazed that I’m celibate, at the age of 44, and not completely crazy. They often question if I have “the gift”, which usually follows with questions about why I’m not in China, or India, or somewhere else in the world, sharing my faith on the Lord’s battlefield.

“Girl, the Lord HAD to give me a husband! He knew I couldn’t make it, cuz I have a strong sex drive! God gives us all what we need! You know it IS better to marry, than to burn!” 

I’ve always found statements like that to be kinda…irritating. The assumption is that I don’t “need” a husband, because I have learned (by trial and error, and God’s grace) how to manage my sexuality, and have chosen NOT to marry, simply because of a lack of self-control. The greater assumption is that God doesn’t really expect us to bring our bodies under subjection — we can just marry, and our lack of self-control will be cured. Is that it? I doubt it. Too many married people continue to “burn”, long after the vows. Too many Christian married men (and women) are addicted to pornography, and unhealthy/inappropriate relationships.

Now, I believe II Tim 3: 16, and I believe Paul was inspired to write what he wrote. HOWEVAH, I don’t think Paul was saying that under any and all circumstances, it’s best to marry, to control sexual passion. Paul was much too together, to mean that. I’m all for keeping it simple, but not for simple thinking.

Self-control is one of the Fruits of The Spirit. Can’t get around it. Sometimes (especially in this sex-saturated society) our “burning” is not due to “good fuel”. Meaning, we need to discover the source of the fire, that can’t be controlled. What’s fueling this “burning” that we can’t manage?

I don’t need sex to exist in a peaceful state — this is coming from a single Christian woman, with a very healthy sex drive. I experience sexual desire (sometimes intense), but I’m not consumed by it.  I’ve had to make some difficult lifestyle choices (that many Christians won’t make), because I don’t want sexual desire to weigh too much in a decision to marry, that will result in much regret, later down the road. Nobody talks much about that.

Nobody talks about the FACT that in too many instances, single people are having more sex, than married couples. You get married, so you CAN get some regularly, and you end up gettin’….none (yep, that’s right), or not nearly as much as you thought you’d be gettin’, once it was legal and all “godly”. I know the enemy of our souls gets a good laugh out of it all. “Silly rabbits!”

What am I saying? Well, I’m saying that in this race, you will never outrun the need to control your sexuality. The world, and your flesh, won’t let you. You will always have to deal with a drive, that wants to operate outside of God’s ordained boundaries.  When you’re single, the temptation is to fornicate. When you’re married (from what I’ve heard), the enemy tries to keep you and your mate from coming together — or tempt you to “come together” with somebody other than your spouse. The attacks, designed to get you off track don’t let up. Only the strategy changes.

You may discover that the “hot and always ready” woman you THOUGHT you married, has morphed into a woman, with a lot of dysfunction — due to sexual abuse as a child, unhealthy attitudes about sex (she’s only aroused when it’s “inappropriate”, so now that you “can do”, she no longer wants to), etc. But you didn’t know that, before you said “I do”.

You may discover that the man who wouldn’t touch you, when you were both single (you thought he was real “godly”!), won’t touch you, after you’re married. He’d rather “touch” the computer screen, or the images in the magazine — or just somebody other than you.

This stuff happens, in the Body of Christ. Marry somebody, IN THIS DAY AND AGE, just to keep from “burning’, and you may find yourself in a “fiery furnace”, sho nuff!

A Nappy Girl